


ain't no hollaback boy

by raindropcakes



Category: MYTEEN (Band), Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, M/M, it's only teen and up because someone says the s word once, nothing happens just yuvin in a banana suit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 05:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20040751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropcakes/pseuds/raindropcakes
Summary: Yuvin loses a bet.





	ain't no hollaback boy

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in an hour because i only know chaos. self-beta'd because why would i give this any legitimacy?
> 
> title from "hollaback boy" by cobra starship which is just a parody of "hollaback girl" by gwen stefani. inspired by [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYBpReMQgsY) and [yuvin's blank face in this picture](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D86e0X4UIAAKteS.jpg).
> 
> dedicated to r and n, who forced me to finish something by an arbitrary deadline, and song yuvin, who told the world with his whole chest that he and yohan have the best butts in pdx.

It all starts with a bet, mostly because Yuvin likes to win and Kookheon likes to watch Yuvin suffer. Yuvin doesn’t even remember what the bet was about anymore, just that at the time it seemed like an easy win that he’d be dumb not to take the chance.

Of course, Yuvin didn’t win this time. He never wins because he is a fool. Boo Boo the fool, even. And now he’s Boo Boo the fool in a _banana suit_ at the student center.

“Why do I have to do this?” Yuvin whines at Kookheon, who simply hands him two bananas to hold with a grin.

“You lost the bet. You gave me your _word_,” Kookheon practically sings. “Now it’s time to show the prospies a good time.”

He’s Boo Boo the fool in a banana suit, about to terrorize a tour group of innocent high schoolers who just want a glimpse of higher education. His heart breaks for those children. They don’t deserve to be clowned like this.

To be fair, his banana attire hasn’t drawn as much attention as he expected. The biggest reaction he’s gotten was from his history TA from Canada, who stared for a really long time, face growing more distressed, before sending a flurry of texts and power-walking away (which honestly kind of hurt but also was pretty understandable). Everyone else seems to look past him, like tall boys in fruit costumes are a common thing on this campus, or that weirder things happen that this doesn’t even warrant a reaction.

“I think I see a tour group heading back around,” Kookheon says. Yuvin turns around and sees an orderly blob of parents, high school juniors, and uninterested siblings headed their way, lead by a boy walking backwards as he tries to explain the history of the buildings around him.

The group gets close enough for Yuvin to make out the tour guide saying, “Anyway, we’re approaching the student center where we started—” when Kookheon pulls out his Bluetooth speaker and puts the volume at max.

“It’s time,” Kookheon says.

“Please,” Yuvin pleads. “You don’t have to do this.”

Kookheon presses play, and Yuvin sighs as the first notes of “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani seals his fate.

The music clearly startles the tour guide, who whips around toward them and proceeds to trip over his own feet. A gangly teen in the group pulls him back up as Yuvin begins to…

…dance.

In his banana suit. With two bananas in his hand.

Yuvin internally wants to apologize to all his ancestors.

Yuvin was not blessed with good dance genes. When he hit his growth spurt at 15, he got too tall too fast, lost all coordination in his limbs, and never really got it back. To add insult to injury, Kookheon choreographed something with a lot of body rolls and is currently filming to send to all their friends and maybe post to the subtle asian traits Facebook group. The tour group is watching in horror. The tour guide hasn’t moved in the two minutes Yuvin’s been flailing around.

Goodbye, lucrative corporate job. Yuvin will never pass any social media screening again.

There’s a change in the beat that indicates the bridge is coming up. Yuvin does a dramatic spin, takes a deep breath and screams, “THIS SHIT IS BANANAS.”

Behind him, Kookheon yells back, “B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

A mother covers a small child’s ears in disgust. An unimpressed girl with hair covering half her face raises her phone to film. His history TA from Canada has returned, staring back aghast at the scene.

The tour guide is grinning. He has a cute smile. Yuvin wants to die.

Yuvin yells again, “THIS SHIT IS BANANAS.”

This time more people join in the spelling of oblong yellow fruit with Kookheon. Including the cute tour guide. Yuvin wants to cry.

This happens two more times. He’s attracted even more attention as other students stop to watch. The spelling stops, but Yuvin must keep dancing to the very end.

Thankfully, the end is nigh. 

As the music and Gwen’s repeated “This is my shit” fade into the distance, Yuvin prepares for the killing part, drawing closer to the original tour group. The tour guide’s easy grin grows into a look of confusion as Yuvin kneels down on one knee…

…and offers him a banana.

The tour guide—name tag helpfully identifying him as “Kim Yohan”—stares down at Yuvin and his offering, beautifully confused. “Uh—”

“Take his banana!” Kookheon yells (un)helpfully. A group of boys in the tour group start chanting, “Take it, take it, take it!”

Yohan’s face grows red at the attention. Yuvin starts to sweat.

“_Please_,” Yuvin finds himself saying. “My friend won’t rest until someone takes this.”

Yohan looks around and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, “No homo”, before grabbing the banana from Yuvin’s outstretched hand. Yuvin doesn’t even process before he hears Kookheon’s loud cheers.

Yuvin strikes a victory pose to drown out the overwhelming shame. The group dissipates, and Yuvin takes that as his cue to run away, Kookheon’s cackles following him until he reaches the safety of his dorm.

He’s never leaving this room again.

(“Hyung, why would you do this to me?” Yohan whines to Kookheon once he finally gets to dismiss his tour group. He’s still holding the banana.

“You wanted an introduction.” Kookheon smiles easily and shrugs.)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry.


End file.
